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Perez’s Guide to Recent Loss Part 2: A Year in Review

August 1, 2019 by Perez 1 Comment

We said “I love you” to each other, and I remember Gregg saying to me “Diana your the best thing that has ever happened to me”, we hugged and I was off to work.

—

It’s been a year since I came home from work and found that my husband Gregg had gone to heaven. On the morning of August 13, 2018, we kissed and hugged, and we said I love you to each other and then I was off to work. You see, ever since 9/11, that was our thing. Because you never know…. How glad I am that we made that pact so many years ago.

If you read my guide on coping during the first six months, I thank you. I want you all to know that I followed my own advice. I stayed away from prescribed pills and limited my alcohol intake, and I surrounded myself with positive, creative people. As you may recall, I was downsized from my staff position with several of my colleagues just six weeks after Gregg’s passing. I have to say that, as the months passed, I went through several levels of intense moments. I was numb and in shock for a few months, then the numbness was replaced by sheer sadness and fear. Then my self-confidence went out the window, all while searching for new employment. Holy cow, talk about a challenge!

Partly out of necessity, and partly just to keep busy, I took any temp position that I was offered. Working at Moet Hennessy was a gas, and I loved temping for them. Working for designer Reem Accra was a great experience. She is a real star and fantastic person, however, I did not see myself in that role long term. Finally, after being without a staff position for nine months, I found my dream job at a private equity firm. The kind and lovely staff eased me into the daily responsibilities, and today I feel the role fits like a comfortable glove.

Working helped to keep my mind occupied during the weekdays, but at night and especially on the weekends, the sadness returned. Writing in my journal really helped, as did the comfort from good friends. Sending a huge shoutout to Iva Stegeman, Debra Duggan, Helen Sung, Jane Irving, Marcella Farman, Mary Glennon, Donna Agajanian, Kelley Suttenfield, Francesca Maese, Brian Offutt, Karl Spangenberg, Patricia Caroll, James Croak and his wife Tomoe, and to my next-door neighbors Jan and her husband in 2G. The support that came from you all was overwhelming and instrumental in my healing this past year.

At the one-year mark, I’ve come to realize that the old me is gone. She left this earth with my husband. In her place, there is emerging a new and changed person that begs to be discovered. I predict Year Two will be about finding her (me) and learning to give her what she needs.

With each day, I become more aware of the need to stop lamenting the loss of Gregg-and-Diana, and start rekindling the relationship with myself as a whole person, standing on her own. So how does one go about doing that, exactly? By focusing on what brings you joy.

It’s important to write this down, as different ideas can form on the page from those in your mind. Try it as an exercise. Be thoughtful, but don’t overthink it. Here is my list, as an example:

What Brings Me Joy?
1. Going to see live music and other music concerts
2. Making music. I am just now starting to feel comfortable enough to start to easing my way back into performing. I am working on a new musical project and I have a trip to Nashville on the horizon!
3. Attending art shows and visiting museums
4. Photography
5. Working out at Equinox
6. Hosting dinner parties
7. Swimming and being in the water beach or pool
8. Watching tennis and the Olympics live or on TV
9. Being in nature

Travel. On my shortlist is:
a. Iceland to see the Northern Lights
b. Food and Wine Festivals
c. Umbria Jazz Festival

As you build your toolkit of things-that-bring-you-joy, eventually memories of your time with your loved one will start to fade. I knew this would happen with the natural passage of time, so I created a book based on my journal entries about Gregg along with images that I will have printed, to remind me of the great life that we shared.

Be thankful for the past, but focus on the present and the future. Keep moving forward in life.  Time is a gift.  Take one day at a time and breathe.

Working at Moet Hennessey- the entrance to the office !

Working at Moet Hennessey

Working for Reem Accra – yes that’s me top left – all in black hahha

My wardrobe while I templed for Reem – its Black when you work in fashion

Attending Art Openings

Enjoying Great Food

Keeping on Moving Forward

Perez sending much love to all. Peace, Perez

Blog by Perez – Edited by Kelley Suttenfield

https://www.betterhelp.com/advice/grief/the-7-stages-of-grief-and-how-they-affect-you/

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Comments

  1. Lucille F. Maese says

    August 2, 2019 at 9:27 pm

    Beautiful, Strong, Talented, Unstoppable, Big Heart!

    Reply

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What a night.Joni Mitchell just received the Gersh What a night.Joni Mitchell just received the Gershwin Prize. A moving and fantastic tribute with James Taylor, Graham Nash, Annie Lennox, Angelique Kidjo, Herbie Hancock, Ledisi, Diana Krall, Cyndi Lauper, and of course Brandi Carlile!! Then Joni sang 2 tunes at the end and sounded fantastic. Summer time by gershman and well I think you should check it out to see the second song she sang. I came to tear several times during the performances. Diana krall moved it. Brandy carlile spectacular Graham Nash James Taylor any Linux? It was out of the park. What a beautiful beautiful performance. You can find the show on pbs.org. If you didn't catch it tonight, I seriously suggest you catch it. Inspirational innovative Joni  Mitchel gave us so much , a true artist. A true poet. She wrote about history in the making the making, pure strength. Pure beauty.
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#lookingforward to a great week #thankfulgratefulb #lookingforward to a great week #thankfulgratefulblessed #blessedlife #happymonday😊
#sundayvibes #dogsofinstagram #ziggystardust @bill #sundayvibes #dogsofinstagram #ziggystardust @billieraepooch #brunch #farmtotable #healthyeats #blessed #thankful @traceyyarad
#strongwomen @gloriasteinem , here's a great image #strongwomen @gloriasteinem , here's a great image of me and Gloria.  we all  must live every day by your beliefs, believe in your dreams. Stay true to your heart.stay true to your mentality.  I am thrilled that I met so many beautiful women in my path.All my mentors .Strong women independent women. @wendamillard @marcellafd  @evercleary  @danaanderson @deveriedemarco @leanapeterson @traceyyarad @deannakirkofficial @neetwardell  @jane_sings  @claudiaacunamusica @tessasouter strong and Gentle women. I feel blessed every day. I am thankful every day for my position in life. I am an artist. I am a woman. I am truly blessed. I love Ziggy. I love my friends. I love my family. I'm enjoying my position @greystonecref We all have beautiful stories, We all have some challenging stories, and as I do my Sunday salon series duo musical concerts in my apartment, I'm so inspired by so many people's musical journeys and their stories. As my story still has to unfold, I do believe I have a happy ending coming my way. Stay well out there. Hip cats. Enjoy every single day and count your blessings.
#my old work space at @medialinked fond memories g #my old work space at @medialinked fond memories great teams , great friends #theroad is long and I am loving every moment. And I still have dear friends that I still connect with at MediaLink.
#nationalpuppyday #ziggy 11 months #blessedlife #h #nationalpuppyday #ziggy 11 months #blessedlife #humbled #grateful
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@deannakirkofficial @markcapon.jazzguitar #houseco @deannakirkofficial @markcapon.jazzguitar #houseconcert I want to thank each and every person that came this afternoon to enjoy an intimate concert. True storytelling is a gift. Thank you to these two fine musicians that held their own as they usually do beautifully. Stay well. #feelingblessed #feelingthankful
@deannakirkofficial #housesmellsamazing #houseconc @deannakirkofficial #housesmellsamazing #houseconcert #vegetarian #braisedribs #perezjazz a cookin #feelingthankful #feelingblessed @greystonecref life #ziggy It's going on a play date with her cousin Tova c u guys soon for great 🎵 music #artoffood #artofwriters #singersongwriters
#feelinggood❤️ #feelingthankful #feedyourbrain #feelinggood❤️ #feelingthankful #feedyourbrain #musiclife #loveart❤️ #lovesinging🎤 #lovemyjob❤️ @greystonecref #weekendvibes #ziggystardust⚡️
I'm so excited for this Sundays! Rebirth of Perez I'm so excited for this Sundays! Rebirth of Perez Jazz Perez presents duo house concert series 7th season. I'm going to have a bunch of vegetarians coming over so I'm going to do some fun Asian cuisine for them and for my beautiful people that love their meat. Braised rib will also be served light snacks. Once again, remember to RSVP to me. Also remember bring your own booze. I will have sun tea available. And what girls get your toes done as this is a shoeless house all she's going into the kitchen fancy socks. All good things. Looking forward to Sunday.@deannakirkofficial and naturally, I'm thrilled to have Deanba singing in my living room, presenting an intimate concert.
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Dear Lord !They talk about heaven on earth and whe Dear Lord !They talk about heaven on earth and when I  think about heaven on earth., I think about music. Heaven on earth is always friends sharing an extraordinary evening and  this evening was extraordinary.. Sometimes by chance, Sometimes it's up to the cosmos to make it happen, but magic was made this evening., And looking forward to so many more evening like this !
Taking a moment to reflect. The pressures that I'v Taking a moment to reflect. The pressures that I've endured over the past five years since my husband has passed away. I am a creative, a strong and confident artist /  woman and I am so looking forward to the future. Since Gregg passed away living life on a shoestring budget and enjoying every moment of it. I am so thankful for my friends within the artist community that have helped me keep my sanity in this insane world that we live in. I'm so looking forward to Sunday and the rebirth of my Sunday duet concert series. Please RSVP because I'm cutting it off at 15 guests so if you have not  RSVP please do it over the next day or two after that. RSVP is closed. You must RSVP for my address. The artist that is opening up this season is an amazing, amazing, amazing artist and amazing singer and amazing person Deanna Kirk  Music is healing. As a singer myself I can validate that. I'm about to go sing for the next 2 or 3 hours. Then I'm going out to see some friends this evening which will help my spirit become alot lighter. Stay hip out there my friends , looking forward to a very bright future. Peace, Perez.
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I am so looking forward to next sunday's house con I am so looking forward to next sunday's house concert.@deannakirkofficial I'll be making some vegetarian Asian food. As well as the traditional raised rib 😜 yayayyayayya #brooklynhouseconcert
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Thank you @traceyyarad for this image , images oft Thank you @traceyyarad for this image , images often put everything into perspective. I am thankful I am creative though the road is long. I love it everyday of it.#lifeagift #art this is me #songwriter #singer #photographer  t#iamblessed
#now #iceskating #now #iceskating
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